On living at the end of the world
Early morning, spring sky. Back again, 10 floors up, I’m on my sofa in the rawness of my floorless, shabby, undecorated space, in the silent energy of my plants, with a cheap Peruvian blanket wrapped around my shoulders because the balcony window is wide open for the third or fourth time this year. It’s beautiful. The warmth of pale sunlight on my skin and birdsong from the marshes transports a transcendent quality of stillness.
Is funny. Now that I’ve been up in this block long enough, I recognise and appreciate a new and totally unexpected perspective on and awareness of seasonal change and its charge upon the synthetic composition of the harsh, relentlessly hectic, polluted sprawl it overlooks. I’m closer to nature in a way I never considered possible to achieve in a city. I’m a tuned-in sky, light and weather watcher now. Didn’t see that coming.
I’ve been dreaming about rockets. For a moment a while ago, footage of the Apollo space missions showed up everywhere I went. No surprise when these first months of 24 were swept away by an acute, intuitive sense of immense, unstoppable, and unprecedented collective change. Literally, everywhere I went, I felt it under the pulse and tone of conversations and observed it within myself as a feeling of separation from all that came before. It opened up a certain hitherto unknown sense of frustration, stress, fear and grief, which eventually manifested into multiple physical body issues as my long-held and looked-for systems and support structures seemingly withered, buckled, fractured, and then gave way to a great silence. A new vista. Strange territory. New orbit.
These last few years have been so hard for all of us, but I am convinced that We are all, each in our own way, reaching the culmination of a powerful and complex personal and collective transition. We may not be where, what, with, or even who we imagined we would be at this stage in our lives, but by consciously integrating all the separate elements and lineages we have collected, the impressions we have stacked up, the knowledge and wisdom received, we are being released to alchemise our own new, perhaps unthought, unplanned, undreamed personal energies, and discover languages that reveal new meaning and purpose in all we thought, felt, were told or feared was lost.
Letting go of all that came before may be uncomfortable, but trust in the divine plan. Your preparation is over. Stop running. Stop searching. Stop trying. Don’t compare yourself to anyone or anything else. You are your own perfect source material, so tune in and listen closely because pleasing yourself, consciously, for the greater good of the collective, is the new work. Wherever you are, tear up the rule book and develop your own nature. Live and move differently, with consistent, coherent energy. Whether quiet or loud, it doesn’t matter. Do what you must, and do not be overwhelmed by the horror, shambles, distraction, absence and lack we are surrounded by. That’s the only answer to this war on our consciousness I can find. To live strong and powerfully protected in and by your vitality and vulnerability, and do not, do not, ever be afraid to stand outside the consensus reality. Even if you find yourself standing alone. Because you are never alone.
